
Why So Much Conflict?
I was asked by a client a little over a year ago to do some type of internal training addressing all the conflict in the world today entering the workplace and how to reduce or eliminate it. I was excited to do the research and put together the training on this topic as I too was noticing the steady creep of conflict and tribalism that has resurfaced recently in our society, entering the workplace and causing damage.
I started by explaining how conflict isnโt new; itโs been around since the beginning of mankind. That is a result of conflicting beliefs or worldviews.
Then, in my research, I saw how social and political unrest were permeating the walls of corporations and their leaders simply didnโt know how to respond.
What I learned was the emergence (or reemergence) of Tribalism. Tribalism is
โ The state or fact of being organized into a tribe or tribes
โ Merriam Webster defines it as โconsciousness and loyaltyโ โespecially exaltation of the tribe above other groups.โ
โ They penalize outsiders, seemingly gratuitously. They will sacrifice, and even kill and die for their group.
Then I revisited the training I facilitated with this client on applying EI in the workplace. Specifically:
โ Understand the saying โyou are what you eatโ and how this applies to consuming information.
โ If you truly seek to understand, you will spend more time consuming information and asking questions (in an attempt to understand) of those who you do not agree with, rather than spending all (or the majority of your time) with your own โtribe.โ
โ Realize, that regardless of what you are consuming, you are being manipulated by those seeking to add to their tribe. That is why you must use critical thinking skills.
Notice how all of this is different from what weโre being told in todayโs environment. Weโre being told NOT to source information from counter ideas/thoughts, and they have labeled it โmisinformationโ by one tribe and โfake newsโ by the other tribe.
Notice how tolerance has been redefined from โputting up withโ or โconsidering alternative viewsโ to โagreeingโ with the tribeโs precepts. AND if you donโt, you are โcanceledโ.
This is NOT how any of this is supposed to work. It is a lie to keep the โhouse dividedโ. Donโt fall for it!
Tribalism is built on the โusโ vs. โthemโ concept. The โusโ are everything โgoodโ, โrightโ, โworthyโ, โrationalโ, and โtrueโ. Whereas โthemโ are everything โbad,โ, โwrongโ, โunworthyโ, โirrationalโ, and โfalseโ.
When you are in this โstateโ you seek out information that confirms your beliefs. This is called โconfirmation biasโ.
Confirmation bias is the tendency to search for, interpret, favor, and recall information in a way that confirms or supports oneโs prior beliefs or values. People display this bias when they select information that supports their views, ignore contrary information, or when they interpret ambiguous evidence as supporting their existing attitudes.
Critical thinking is the analysis of facts to form a judgment.
Socrates is known as the โfather of critical thinkingโ. He used an educational method that focused on discovering answers by asking questions of his students. According to Plato, who was one of his students, Socrates believed that โthe disciplined practice of thoughtful questioning enables the scholar/student to examine ideas and be able to determine the validity of those ideas.โ
Notice this is the opposite of what is going on today. Today is about programming and indoctrination. Telling you what you should think and if you donโt โfall in lineโ you are ignorant.
After learning all this terrific information, that seemed to fit what my client was asking for training on. I started digging into resources that address how to process conflict using critical thinking skills.
I went to my bookshelf and grabbed a terrific resource on this topic, โCrucial Conversationsโ by Joseph Grenny. If you have not read this book or helped train your teams in this approach, I highly suggest you do. It is filled with helpful approaches and techniques to combat conflict.
In the book, the authors talk about the importance of establishing โcommon groundโ when engaging with a person who is proactively engaging in conflict. The authors point out that genuine โkindnessโ, โcuriosityโ and โcommon groundโ help you to establish a psychological safety net. Once you have safety, you can begin to disagree meaningfully.
By creating this safety, you will begin to notice empathy and understanding instead of fear, disgust, or distrust. Then you will continue withโฆ โthatโs interesting. I see it differently. Do you mind if I share my perspective? Tell me what you think about this.โ
If safety is threatened as you disagreeโif parties get defensive or combativeโcome back to kindness, curiosity, and common ground. This is the beginning of a dialogue.
It is okay to disagree and hold differing points of view. It is not okay to demean, judge, and toss aside people who happen to disagree or hold differing points of view. That is not tolerance. Thatโs the irony of todayโs cancel culture. The โtolerantโ group cancels those with whom they disagree. This wonโt last. This will eventually eat itself, as it always does. So donโt play the game.
Have respect for each other. Ask questions. Establish common ground. And be kind, regardless of their point of view.
If we do that, and do not allow them to divide us, we shall stand together.